One of my castle in the air is being able to publish a good reading material.. Probably a book or a mag that would somehow others may get lost into, or relate with. And to me, coming up with such thoughts I have in mind or something i wanted to share coming from another pen is a kind of release, a certain high and trip. Who knows I might be a celebrated author years from now haha, why not, after all I recently lost my first formal job a week ago.
why CONCEPT? I have no definite answer to this. It just popped out in mind while taking my second shower for the day :) I was deeply thinking of how life has been 24 years ago. The concept of how my family life has been, the concept of knowing what you really want to become in life- of knowing your truest desire, of knowing your purpose and your core. (At some point in our human lives we come to ask, what do I want? Where do I belong? What is eternal bliss for me? What is my purpose? At different stages, at different settings, at different circumstances we all ask these). the concept of how will you accept defeat out of you think you are a failure. The concept of being noble, I mean ONE CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH, you know that, but the concept in which you are struggling for a certain highness, a certain satisfaction, a kind of love that you thought you deserve. The concept of finding you niche in the society and eventually realizing it isn't work anymore- rather more of a vocation. Concept which is more of an idealization structure with a potential for realization (rather like a schema). Also, an art of discovering your atonement, pleasure, and vindication. I wanted to have a variety of perspective. Opening my self to countless opportunities.
My life is a stranger to most of you. So, let me start by giving a glimpse of how I came in to existence. I am a product of a broken family. I have two (2) siblings, older than me (so I am the youngest), both are married and has their own search of joy and purpose. We practically grew up together, sharing thoughts and sentiments and made each other the pillar and refuge of dilemmas and circumstances.
Where to begin the search for your own world out side your world. After graduating in college, ringed my family telling them I wanted to pursue my studies (Med-School). They told me they can not provide anymore to sustain such degree and so I tried my luck in finding a job. I applied twice as teacher/tutor in Ortigas, I bumped with the executive director of the company and i guessed he liked me (well of course I took the CGFNS type of exam and several interviews and I passed) the catch was this, that woman in the front desk didn't give a call on me for my orientation for the work. I didn't stop there, I applied also as an On-Line teacher and unfortunately they didn't want my service. I ended up pursuing my profession and so I entered a primary private hospital in our town working a volunteer staff nurse. I enjoyed the experience, really! There is an unexplained highness when you are able to be part of enduring, sustaining a life. And so the urge of pursuing into higher degree of health care profession rekindled. However, it boils down again to means of pursuing so. And also, the need of earning for a living bobbed up. I had to look for another job that would help me start subsisting. . I found myself teaching and nursing a school aged students.At the same time, I enrolled into Post Graduate School because my former colleague in the hospital buzzed me they are in need of Clinical Instructor and she was recommending me but it get out of hand. Along with it, I begged the owner of the hospital I was affiliated in which happens to be a distant relative of ours, and a close family friend to absorb me as one of their regular staffs, because during that time there was a vacated position. I earnestly solicited her will to accept me saying I needed the job, I will settle my schedule so that I can do both, teaching/school nurse and a regular staff nurse. To finance my studies and be able to help on our daily bread. She refused me. And after some time Uhm, I lost a job (in the school) due to back fence talk.
And so, the concept came in to my mind.. How to place your self in a world of cold shoulders/ rebuffs?
I am werking so hard to make ends meet
To be cont'd...
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